bryna, barry b. benson, aaron burr, jar jar binks, and clippy

(1) I put some people in an elevator. (2) They're going to have some problems. (3) There will be a reading quiz on this in the near future. (4) Oh, and Bryna! (5) You're in this too! (6) Say hi to your mother for me!

brownies, build-a-bear, and a mini-fridge

an assortment of things and thoughts that don't belong anywhere

this post includes irrelevant pictures

DISCLAIMER: The following blog post includes crude language. I have decided not to censor it. Do not read if you are upset by this.

and again!

Here is another story. This one is shorter. Because everything is funny and people could always use more stories about animals in their life. And I could do with another story to provide my blog with more substance. Also, my agenda book tells me that no idea is a bad idea. Huzzah! So, without further ado:


THE OTTER'S TRIP TO THE MOON
(In which an otter finds a most unfortunate solution)

Once upon a time there was an otter.
The otter was a very wistful critter. He spent the majority of his otter days splashing around in bodies of water, lying on his back and gazing up at the sky. He especially liked to do this at night, when the moon was shining at its brightest.
"How brilliant," the otter would say to himself on nights like this, "I wish I could go to the moon."
And so the otter set about finding a way to reach the moon. He built a dozen rocket ships out of wood, all of which burned up in fiery explosions. The otter also tried to construct jet packs and super-trampolines. These also blew up.
The other animals living in the region watched the otter try desperately to go to the moon and shook their heads.
"How sad," they all sighed. "That poor little guy won't ever make it."
But the animals' pity only further encouraged the otter to make it to the moon.

One day a polar bear came to the otter.
"I hear you want to go to the moon," the polar bear said.
"Yes! Yes I do! More than anything else in the world!" the otter cried.
"Okay," shrugged the polar bear.
And with that, he picked up the otter and punt-kicked him to the moon.

RACCOONS and SHORTALLS and AESOP

For this week's blog post, I would like to share with you a short story called The Raccoon and his Shortalls. The Raccoon and his Shortalls is one of Aesop's lesser-known fables. (In case you aren't familiar with the term, shortalls are overalls, but instead of having full-length pants, they're shorts instead. It's rumored that Aesop had a thing for both shorts and overalls and decided to combine them to create the ultimate outfit. Much more impressive than the invention of bifocals, if you ask me! Shorts AND overalls! It's the best of both worlds!)
So here it is! :


THE RACCOON AND HIS SHORTALLS
(IN WHICH A RACCOON WASTES MONEY ON FANCY PANTS)


There was once a thick raccoon who was both slow in his thoughts and husky in his size. He was much more obtuse than his raccoon family, possibly because he was dropped on his head as a baby raccoon. But for whatever reason, he didn't fit in with his raccoon pals and instead chose to be friends with some other animals that lived nearby.
One day he went down to the riverside where he and some other animals had planned a picnic brunch. He put on his best straw hat and brushed his fur for the occasion. The raccoon may have been dumb, but he certainly liked to keep up with his appearance. But when he arrived at the river, he saw that all of his friends were wearing shortalls!
"Hello, raccoon," said the raccoon's friend who was a duck. He was sporting a spiffy pair of denim shortalls.
"Hey-" started the chipmunk who was wearing small shortalls to fit his tiny frame.
"-Where are your shortalls?" questioned the weasel, whose shortalls' buttons were shiny and reflective.
The raccoon stared at them blankly.
"Uhh... shortalls?" the raccoon asked dumbly. The duck, chipmunk, and weasel all sniggered. They chortled and guffawed and tittered and snickered and pointed at the raccoon's naked legs. How foolish did he look, standing there without shortalls! Didn't he know that shortalls were the latest and greatest trend to hit the riverbank? The raccoon was so embarrassed that he scurried away, leaving his friends rolling into the water with laughter.
For the next three weeks, the raccoon made his way to every home in the neighborhood. He scavenged around for spare change, stole forgotten coins from the local dump site, and even begged his old raccoon clan for money. Eventually he had scrimped together enough coins to purchase a brand new pair of shortalls. He did just that, and when he was invited to another picnic brunch, he accepted the invitation with pride.
The raccoon put on his new shortalls and found that he didn't quite fit into them. He was fatter than he had expected, and he looked absolutely ridiculous. Nevertheless, he carried on to the picnic.
When he reached the river, he saw his animal friends preparing their brunch.
"Hello!" the raccoon called out. He scampered over to the picnic table. His friends turned around- but something was wrong. Not one of them was wearing shortalls! The raccoon was shocked. His friends broke into hysterical laughter.
"You SILLY raccoon! What are you wearing?" the duck struggled to speak clearly because he was laughing so hard.
"Don't you know?" the chipmunk giggled, wiping tears from his eyes.
"We're into PINCE-NEZ now!" the weasel howled, gasping for breath.
"And you look positively RIDICULOUS in those shortalls!" the duck quacked.
The raccoon looked down at his shortalls, and then he ran away, deciding to purchase a pair of pince-nez as soon as possible.

~Foolish is the one who wastes time and money to keep up with fleeting trends, especially if you are a fat raccoon who looks silly in shortalls~