this post includes irrelevant pictures

DISCLAIMER: The following blog post includes crude language. I have decided not to censor it. Do not read if you are upset by this.

I've been to Penn State Abington's campus before. Every summer of my middle-school life, I took part in their week-long summer camps filled with activities and food and friends and games and free t-shirts. Everything was sunny all the time always! My twelve-year-old self never suspected that I would be back five years later to take an equally thrilling SAT prep class. Huzzah!

Over the past two Saturdays, I have found myself in Penn State Abington facilities yet again. And I'm required to return next Saturday for the same reason. But this time, I'm not there for summer recreation. There aren't any games or activities or fun. The cafeteria is closed, and the food we bring for lunch from home is significantly less awesome. In this class, friends aren't as much friends as they are human-shaped objects that take up space in one's peripheral vision. Ultimately, the course is the complete opposite of the summer-camp extravaganza I experienced as a kid.
I'm part of a class composed of thirteen juniors, one sophomore, and one senior. I'm sure these other students are very pleasant in real life. But this post isn't about them. This post is about the one girl in the class who is special. She isn't my favorite person in the class, but she is interesting nonetheless.

MAURICE MOSS

(My favorite person in the class, by the way, is a boy that bears a striking resemblance to Maurice Moss from  the television show, "The IT Crowd".)

Our first hint that the girl was different was when she informed us that she's from Philadelphia. Her t-shirt proudly declared GUNS N' ROSES, and she kept her phone within twelve inches of her hands at all times.
And then, immediately after she introduced herself, she left the room.
Ten minutes later, she returned with a pack of cigarettes in her pocket. This happened frequently throughout the day. Every now and then she would look at the teacher and say, "I thought you said we could have a break now." The instructor would be somewhat shocked by the statement, because nobody ever really says anything like that in the class. And then he would grant her request and she would return to class a hefty fifteen minutes after the break was over. In a classroom where nothing exciting happens, this greatly amused myself and the other students.

At one point, the verbal SAT teacher, Mr. Saylor, handed us a packet of high frequency SAT vocabulary to define using context clues. The following is taken directly from the packet:

25. Chaste - adjective.                                                                                                   Context: He was devastated to discover that his seemingly chaste girlfriend had once been a very unchaste prostitute.

After reading this, the Philadelphian Guns N' Roses t-shirt girl raised her hand.
"Mr. Saylor, did you come up with these sentences?"
Mr. Saylor lifted his head from the large, bookmarked and beaten SAT prep book he was flipping through.
"Yes, I believe I did. A few years ago when I made the packet," was his response.
The girl snorted. "Nice to know you were thinking about prostitutes."
The class was shocked. We all stared, mouths agape and eyebrows raised, at Mr. Saylor.
"Prostitutes?" Mr. Saylor said, a bit flustered. "I don't remember that!"
"It says so right here! Sentence 25!" the girl argued. "Prostitutes! That's fuckin' dirty-" she stopped and threw a hand over her mouth.

Mr. Saylor chose to ignore the slip. But a few hours later, it happened again! We were discussing "Of Mice and Men" when Mr. Saylor brought up Lenny's situation and his ultimate fate:
"Lenny was a good guy, right? His intentions were good." Mr. Saylor said.

He just wanted to pet the rabbits

"No way!" the girl called out. "Lenny was FUCKIN' CRAZY!" She gasped and covered her mouth again. Mr. Saylor winced, but the rest of us were stifling laughter.
At this point, we knew the girl was crazy. She's like the Tracy Morgan of the class. Nobody knows what she's going to say next, but we all admit that we're constantly awaiting her next outburst with apprehensive joy.
Last Saturday, Mr. Saylor was explaining the term "catharsis" to us. He threw out some examples to further illustrate the term. The girl got up to use the bathroom just as Mr. Saylor was describing catharsis as the feeling you get after running for a while, or after releasing pent-up emotions.
"Or having sex," she said as she walked out of the class. The class burst into a sort of nervous snickering.
"What did she say?" Mr. Saylor asked. Nobody answered him. The girl came back ten minutes later and resumed her position as if nothing had ever happened.

Diner Dash is more
important than the SATs

After practice with the verbal portion of the SAT test, the math instructor came in and opened his session with a spiel on cell phone usage. He told us that if we want to get the full effect of the class, we shouldn't use our cell phones excessively while he's talking. He said all of this while looking directly at me, probably because I was using my phone to play Diner Dash during break, which took place a minute prior to his speech. (The attention was creepy and awful, mostly because he has a weird goatee.)
But as he was speaking, the girl from Philadelphia got up from her seat and left the room... while texting. The math instructor looked bewildered, and we all smiled at each other knowingly. It made for quite the interesting day!

IN CONCLUSION, I don't know her name. And I'm not sure why I've decided to make a blog post about her... perhaps I'm trying to include a sneaky message about the role of a rebel in society, or the American dream, or elitism vs. egalitarianism or something. All I know for sure is that she is the only openly interesting person in a room full of reluctant students, and I'll get to witness this mayhem for one last time next weekend. I can't deny that I'm somewhat delighted by this prospect- maybe I'll even learn her name!